WHAT IS A PERSONALITY DISORDER? 

By: Tamar Perecowicz 

According to the DSM-IV, a personality disorder is defined as: "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture." There are several different types of personality disorders, each with their own diagnostic criteria. However, one commonality they all share is a deviation in behaviors which results in disrupted social, affective or interpersonal functioning with difficulties in impulse control. Typically, these disrupted patterns of functioning can be traced back to adolescence or early adulthood and have pervasive, long-lasting effects. 

Generally, individuals afflicted with a personality disorder can be quite manipulative and self-centered. Manipulation can arise in an attempt to ensure that their needs be met. Because they have a distorted view of themselves and are incapable of setting limits on their behaviors, these individuals can engage in a variety of defense mechanisms aimed at granting them control over their lives that they so thoroughly seek out. These defenses can include things like withdrawal, blaming, rationalizing, intellectualizing, name calling, perfectionism, threats, fighting about unrealistic expectations and excessive concern for others. These individuals may have little if any, ability to consider other people's points of view and tend to see situations and people in a "black and white" way. As a result, caregivers can become trapped in seemingly endless feuds with their loved one, which may leave them feeling angry, frustrated, inadequate or powerless.

If you have a loved one with a personality disorder, get support for yourself in coping with the illness; talk to friends, contact community resources and seek counseling if necessary. Remember who you are! It's easy to fall prey to repeated put-downs the mentally ill person may subject onto you out of desperation. Ultimately, their reality does not have to be yours. 
One of the best things a caregiver can do is to use appropriate communication and impose limits. Often, the best way to do this is to work on yourself ; take a step back, re-evaluate your role & priorities and assess the needs of your loved one. Friends and family members need to be clear on their limitations and collaborate with their loved one to form simple, concrete goals for them to work towards. Listening with empathy is important. Your relative will benefit from knowing that although they cannot expect you to 'make it all better for them,' they can count on you for support and encouragement in assuming responsibility for their own life. This positive mindset will offer both of you hope for a fuller, richer tomorrow filled with more effective coping skills.

 For more information, drop by our office and pick up our new, detailed pamphlet on personality disorders, located next to our lending library. We are open Monday-Friday between 9 am and 4:30 pm. Hope to see you soon!