Signs of Burnout by Olga Lipadotova

Living with a mentally ill person and trying to make sense of the task. While the parents or other caretakers struggle to provide the best care that they can, it is not unusual that they neglect their own needs and could eventually be burnt out. Often it is a feeling of guilt, which does not "allow" the caregivers to take care of themselves. What did I do wrong? How could I compensate my loved one for the losses? How can I make him suffer less? How can I make his life easier? How can I make him happier? It is important for caregivers to be aware of the presence of these questions in the back of their minds. They endure the caregivers' distress and increase the level of the on-going stress.

In attempting to do their best, the caretakers often put their own interests on the back burner, putting the "interests" of the suffering loved one as more important, more urgent. In doing so, the caretakers unavoidably reach the point, when their own resources get exhausted, which could put at risk not only the care which they provide, but also their own health.

Statistically, burn-out happens in about 40% of the general population, and its rate is much higher among those providing care to mentally ill members of their families. Modern studies on burn-out show that day-to-day stress, even when the person subjected to it does not consider it as such, causes the most detrimental effects to health. The resistance of the immune system becomes very low, and that could manifest itself in the form of frequent colds, or even more serious conditions. The caregivers often develop chronic medical problems, such as frequent infections and difficulty sleeping. A significant number of caregivers suffer from depression.

A lot of caregivers are working and providing care at the same time. Instead of being a place of rest and recuperation, their home environment becomes a place of an on-going second job. In such situations, it is easy to forget to eat properly, or to take a day, an evening, or even an hour off.

Here is a list of the most frequent signs of burn-out , which almost always accompany each other.

You feel tired most of the time

You have problems going to sleep even when you feel exhausted

You don't get up fresh and rested in the morning after a night's sleep

You feel low or depressed most of the time

You feel easily irritated and annoyed

You think that people don't like you

Your self-esteem is getting low

You are always running out of time, never accomplishing all that you had planned

You become forgetful and miss important appointments

You always find reasons not to attend an exposition, a theater performance, a movie..

You need to set very clear limits for both yourself and your relative affected by mental illness. In doing so, you will promote a higher autonomy of the person you care for and allow yourself to be much more in control of your own time.

You have to become conscious of the feelings of guilt behind your actions and not let these feelings intervene with your setting boundaries. This is a difficult task, but it is rewarding. It will make you feel better about yourself and increase your self-esteem.

You need to take regular walks and get engaged into some regular exercise (YMCA, yoga classes, gym, jogging, or even just morning exercise). This will give you some time for yourself, allowing you to have a neutral space, where you don't need to continually be focused on the problems you have. It will also gradually improve you health.

You need to become engaged in an activity that corresponds to your interests: go see a movie, visit an exhibition, go to a concert, etc. Make a habit of scheduling your activities, booking the tickets, etc. This variation from work and home will enrich your life and bring on other perspectives.

Join a self-help group, request respite services at your community health care organization. You have to meet with other people more often, to communicate on a neutral ground. It will allow others to share their experiences with you; it will give you additional support, and raise your self-esteem.

If you have a life partner, allow yourself some time together, share your worries with each other and provide support to each other. It is very important to feel that you are not left alone to cope with the mental illness of your loved one.

It is also good to see other couples, friends, and relatives, and speak to them openly about mental illness. It creates a more accepting environment around you, and allows you not to feel excluded from normal human communication.

Balancing your own needs with those of your loved one is a difficult and constant struggle. Nevertheless if you take the steps to prevent your own burn-out, it will allow you to take better care of the relative affected by mental illness. It will also teach him (her) alternative behaviors, and allow him (her) to rely more on himself (herself).