When all was going well, butterfly chaser Icarus Azure’s thoughts were light and carefree. They came and went according to his projects and the situations he faced. His mind was open, positive and resilient. He felt competent in his life, with his family and his work. This changed recently after he had to face a tumultuous period of intense stress because of the severe mental illness of his daughter Angelina. I. Worry and brooding took over and became bad habits for him. However, thoughts came and went so quickly that he didn’t take time to evaluate them or study their significance. And why should he have done so, being a God-fearing man who led a good life? Why should these thoughts have been a problem?

By the end of the day, Icarus Azure lacked energy. At times, he was cursed with negative emotions brought on by the dark thoughts. For the most part, he felt overwhelmed and anxious. With his self-confidence diminishing, he found himself less able to face his problems. Problems which had been objectively challenging had now become subjectively insolvable. Even chasing butterflies was at times difficult for him.

Icarus Azure had read an article by Ariane Rose  on the mazes through which our psychological habits travel and the dead ends they face. He had come to understand that negative thoughts are sometimes cognitive distortions or dysfunctional assumptions resulting from unfounded beliefs. Perhaps they were insidiously gnawing away at his sense of well-being.

Icarus decided to change his attitude. He decided that when negative thoughts came to undermine his confidence, he would simply vanquish them instead. He began chasing his thoughts away just as he had chased butterflies, with his focus of attention acting as the net to catch his thoughts. Boy, did he ever catch a lot! His more optimistic and positive thoughts were lively and inspiring, like the butterflies who flew during the day. The negative thoughts were more heavy and sombre, like the night butterflies which are rather hard to see. Soon he became aware that when the dark thoughts reach the light of his awareness, just like the night butterflies, their wings would get burned. He realized that they simply needed to be challenged.

Icarus Azure then recognized many kinds of night-butterfly thoughts that needed to be driven out.

First and foremost, there were the thoughts where things were seen one way only, without considering other options. Since these thoughts were rigid and arbitrary, they were seen as either black or white. His interior dialogue often began with  ‘it’s always…’ or ‘it’s never…’  When his   night-butterfly thoughts had a single negative element, it seemed as if everything was wrong or that the worst could be expected. This all-or-nothing attitude became overgeneralized to the point where they brought on the very failures or calamities they fought against acquiring.

Another type of night-butterfly thought pattern was based on emotionality rather than concrete facts. By analyzing the underlying thoughts beneath his fears, he came to realize that they were based out of an ‘as-if’ assumption. He realized that things had the potential of turning out quite differently than the ‘facts’ he had believed to be true. All the thoughts that made him feel as if he was without value or resources and that his life was without hope or unworthy of any effort, were all night-butterfly thoughts. He knew that to make the changes he so desperately longed for, he would have to examine them carefully and amend them.

He questioned pertinence. Do real facts support my thoughts? Am I underestimating my ability to find a solution or seek help? What do I gain by thinking this way? How could I react more effectively in facing this situation? Are my emotions preventing me from acknowledging my ability to face facts? Is there another way to see things? Can I let go? With the means at my disposal, how can I act differently? Do I tend to focus more on what others don’t do rather than on what I can do for myself? This was an attempt for Icarus Azure to become more objective and logical, instead of negative. He was getting rid of perceived rather than real danger, and freeing himself from guilt in a situation that was out of his control. He fought off the thoughts that robbed him of his self-confidence or made him feel inadequate.

As he continued chasing butterflies, Icarus Azure kept in mind Ariane Rose’s article. His more realistic approach to thought-stopping enabled him to rely on his competence and ability to overcome the turmoil he faced from life’s hardships. Once caught and faced, the night-butterfly thoughts were less able to sap his resolve. Icarus Azure now finds it easier to stop the night-butterflies. He is gradually regaining his mental freedom and finding a sense of peace. Now there is more room for thoughts relating to his daily activities and projects. Icarus appreciated these daytime-butterfly thoughts which he was able to share with his wife, Daisy.

If you happen to come across Icarus Azure this summer, he will tell you that in order to keep an open mind, one must chase butterflies!

By Diane Grenier, Family Support Program