Having Good Mental Health- More thoughts from Sheryl Bruce, counsellor

          There is a tremendous burden placed on families when their loved one is diagnosed with a mental illness or when they have recurring or enduring episodes of illness.  Many of you are stressed out and worn out from trying to cope with difficult situations or difficult people in your lives. It is important to take care of your own mental and physical health so that you can offer your best to your whole family and to yourself.  You do no good to anyone if you are too stressed out to function properly.  In the long run you do no favors to yourself either.

          Having good mental health means having a positive sense of well-being, as well as a belief in our own, and other’s, dignity and worth. Without good mental health people are unable to fulfill their potential and put themselves at risk for physical illness. By the way, it is possible to have a mental illness and have good mental health.  Just look at Bill MacPhee a person with schizophrenia who founded Schizophrenia Digest.  Here is my advice for ensuring that you are doing your best to have good mental health.  Make small adjustments to your lifestyle that you can maintain for ever! Don’t look for quick solutions or expect immediate results. Small but consistent changes will have life long benefits.

          Your primary goal should be to take the rest and sleep that you need.  Of course this goes for all members of your family. If you find that you’ve gone three nights without sleep or with reduced sleep you have to take action. A body needs to recuperate; 7 to 8 hours of sleep is normal.  It is best to try non-medicinal remedies before prescription treatments  If you have trouble falling asleep, taking a cup of warm milk one half hour before bed can often help bring on sleep. Your caffeine intake needs to be restricted:  two cups a day and not after 4:00 pm. Do not forget caffeine is in coffee, tea, chocolate, and cola; it’s best to check the labels of all soft drinks and snack products. To check all areas of your sleep hygiene consult   chealth.canoe.ca. If you still have trouble it is recommended that you see your doctor for a prescription that will be used for a short period of time.

          After you take care of your sleep you need to evaluate what causes you stress and find ways to reduce your overall stressors.  Some stressors can be eliminated, some can be reduced and then for those that remain you need to develop better coping techniques. Firstly, many of us are just doing too much.  Our society has so many conveniences that leisure becomes a problem. We have many choices of ways to spend our money and our time.  We often over-schedule our time trying to squeeze in more activities of all kinds.  It is important to reflect on your life and your family. Do you really need this activity? Can you miss it this one time?  I challenge you to learn to read your body’s signals that say stop, no or take a break.

          The next thing is what to do with that time! We need to find time to be alone and quiet. We need to get to know ourselves and our need for peace. Yoga and meditation classes have sprung up all over. Many people in today’s society are rushing to a place to learn to find solitude. Here’s a hint: Take 5 minutes a day to reflect on life, to give thanks for small things: to appreciate nature, beauty and your family. Whatever you focus on, choose something positive about the world, yourself and your loved ones. After a couple of weeks when this is a habit, add 5 more minutes.

          Reducing stress involves perhaps setting limits on yourself and others. But to do this you must first reflect on what you can handle and what you cannot.  Not every week is the same. We do not always have the same flow of energy available and it is important to respect our bodies, listen to our needs and set limits that protect our energy. After reflection you should feel able to say I respect myself enough to set this limit. You do not have to wait until you run out of energy to say no.  As a parent, you have a duty to model to others how you go about taking care of yourself. Your loved one also needs to learn to set his/her own limits. So to recap, you must respect your body, and your rhythm, in doing so you teach others to learn to respect themselves and you!

          Developing positive coping mechanisms is necessary for dealing with very stressful situations. One coping mechanism is to develop a positive mind set: for instance you can say: there is a solution to this problem even if I can not yet see it. Faith in the future and hope for a better future are very important. Another coping tool is to decide who owns the problem.  Caregivers that are burning out often try to fix the problems of others.  This is simply said for situations that are complicated, but try and take a step back and see if this problem has to be solved by you.  Look at the goals your loved one is working on and see if they can learn to take some piece of the burden back.   This is a way to respect them too, because you believe they can do it, or learn to do it.  The other way to look at it is, to question yourself.  Over the long run what can I do, or not do, that will help them to learn new skills. Not changing something now can mean saving energy,  and making changes sometimes requires a lot of energy; so plan to make changes when you have the proper energy to devote to the task and enlist the help of others when the task requires too much energy. (Counselors at Friends can help you!)

          Another coping mechanism is to learn to reduce your guilt or feelings of obligation. You have to believe that you are not responsible for another person’s illness or for their life.  As parents we have to give up being the director of their lives and help them learn to develop their independence. Children whether 14 or 40 have to learn there are consequences to their actions and most are able to learn (maybe not at the rate we want, and those with neurological deficits will have difficulty learning in various areas).

          Learning to relax your body is yet another coping technique.  If you cannot relax I suggest getting a massage, or do yoga or tai chi classes. I also recommend exercise. It is necessary for ideal functioning of the body.  It provides increased strength, helps with stress reduction; it also helps with sleep and overall body image. This is not to be underestimated. Stress is reduced as you focus on something else. Team sports release stress in positive ways. Brisk walking is good but please do not walk and complain, use the time be kind to yourself and see pleasure and beauty. Take note, a 10 month study from Duke University found that exercise is as good as medication at beating the blues- 30 minutes of brisk walking a day is sufficient!*

          Good nutrition goes hand in hand with exercise. Eat a balanced diet.  Most people need to eat more fruits and vegetables. Avoid sugars and empty carbohydrates.  Good food keeps the immune system strong which you need to combat illness. Avoid negative coping strategies like using caffeine, cigarettes or alcohol to reduce stress. Check out You on a Diet by M. Roizen and M. Oz.

          Develop leisure hobbies or sports; things that make you proud of your self and help you to meet others. Develop your playful side. You have a right to feel pleasure and have fun.  Gardening, dancing, reading, listening to music are all good. Develop a supportive group of friends or join a support group. Don’t forget to take a vacation once in a while too.

          If after making positive adjustments you find that you are still stressed please seek help from a counselor and/or your G.P.  Sometimes medication (either for sleep, anti-anxiety or anti-depressant) can be helpful in the short run until you get your strength back. Today is the only day we have.  The past is gone, tomorrow is always tomorrow. Accept others as they are today and accept yourself and then you will be on your way toward better mental health.  *I used chealth.conoe.ca to back up my thoughts, check it out if you want more information.